shorthand

I hope that I'm the only person making to-do lists to keep herself occupied. Returning to normal life is not going well. The first two months of remembering Germany were a dream. Now I understand that I won't be going back. I am to remain here, in a tiny town that I outgrew three months after moving in. I'm trying to feel like my life is worth something, but it's difficult when I have nothing to do. It's even more difficult when I find myself struggling to understand what I could do that would be good and meaningful.

Most of my school lives through networking (but doesn't everyone?). Dress trashy, visit a frat, get trashed, so on and so forth. Greek life dominates the campus. And while I love my two non-partying friends, I wish I had more people to whom I could go. I wish two of my closest friends hadn't transferred. I wish my lovelies from home were around to love and cherish. Because life has to be more than this--escaping the drunken brigade with two fellow souls.

I wish here had the ocean. Because one never feels mindless or worthless when standing before her waves. She will accept you, take you, be there for you, even if you have no idea where your life is going or what living means.

Remember those to-do lists I mentioned? I try to arrive at tasks that mean something. "Clean out empty salsa jar" is at the top of the list. The highlight of my week was visiting the bank and falling through ice into a mud puddle.

What makes one's life worthwhile, meaningful, and good?

How are we good people? Plato insists that there are forms to which we can aspire. He thinks that we can be good, even if his idea of goodness is more mechanical than humane. No emotion, little laughter, keine literature! Aristotle's Poetics argues that fine tragedy needs good people who are destroyed by their own faults. These  faults don't necessarily have to be bad character traits; they simply are the traits to which they cling and arrive at their downfall. Aristotle's idea of tragedy is frightening because it questions whether or not we are good. We spend our lives doing what we think is right, only to fall into tragedy through our own actions. Can people be good? Are there forms of perfection that we can strive to attain? Or are people struggling through their lives, thinking they are good while never recognizing their tragic flaw?

Tell me, please. What makes our lives worthwhile? Is it creation? Helping others? (But what truly helps them?) Living without thought and enjoying the gift of life? But there must be some greater good, there must be something beyond hedonism! Oscar Wilde shows us this.

I should take some philosophy courses. I need answers.