shorthand

"I think I should be a Buddhist."

"You told me once that you wanted to shave your head."

"Maybe I should move to India."
"People our age don't travel to to India for enlightenment. They go because it's cheap."

"I went to the park the other day. You know the one with the man-made pond, where the boy in the velor jogging pants winked incessantly at me last month? I had with me my moleskine and a printout of an Apollo sculpture, but the sun was too bright to see and my bench lacked a backrest."

"Obviously, you're lazy and spoiled."

"Exactly why I need to become a Buddhist and move to India."

"You finished that art paper, didn't you? Tell me truthfully."
"Yes."
"And you received an A for it."

"Actually, no. I lost points because I approached Apollo as if he were a painting rather than a sculpture. I forgot that he could be seen from multiple sides."

"You think that life is a painting."

"I wish I could; life as a painting would be romantic. Living would be the brushstrokes that paint our interpretation of life. Everyone would have a different portrait, and each would be uniquely right."

"So you know that painting is a singular task, when life is infinite. We're part of something bigger."

"You forget about death. We're finite, and it would be absurd to wish for life to have the glory of a painting."

"Yet our paintings are our creations. And whether they be ethereal or corporeal, creations are infinite. We worry too much, love passionately, and over-think our every action because we can't stop ourselves. We have only potential."

"Potential towards what? I create my painting known as life, and I'm left with my solitary interpretation. I try to make other paintings by drawing, writing, meeting other people, but I'm left only with shoddy attempts at empathy. Maybe I can feel proud of myself for trying. But what have I done?"

"You've tried to give meaning to life. Isn't that enough?"

"To try because I want to feel like something of worth isn't good enough. It's selfish. I've found no answers, no reason, no goodness. Why am I here?"

"You are here because you love me, and I love you. You are here to be confused and scared, to paint and interpret. You are here to live, and to define life as you live it."

"I will not accept living as an attempt to define life."

"You want answers."
"I want to go to India."
"I'll get scissors for your hair."