when you want everything, what do you have?

She wanted everything. She wanted to touch the sky, riches, his skin, a dove's feathers, smooth metal, and countless crystals. She wanted to see the world, to breathe air by a volcano, to move her toes through sand of a different color, and to laugh under the shade of a rain forest. She wanted him and him and him. She wanted a lot of boys, and she didn't care if she wanted them at the same time. She wanted him because it reminded her of the first him, and she wanted him because he had hair like gold and a smile fit to break windows. She wanted to smash things. She wanted to run into an old factory and smash every old window in the building, and she wanted to scream as she did so. She wanted to watch the glass fall pitter patter to the ground through the silent air as mouth screamed wordlessly. She wanted silence. She wanted deafening noise. She wanted to be music, to have lyrics running through her skin and harmonies tangled in her hair. She wanted hair down to her waist so she could shave it all off one day and understand the meaning of loss. She wanted the world to be green and beautiful forever. She wanted to know the meaning of perfection and understand the truths of the world. She wanted to know why she was alive and what her purpose was as a human, as a creature, as a soul. She wanted to meet her soul, and she wanted to drink tea with it in Italy and bring it into the future laughing. She wanted to love. She wanted a rabbit to feed and watch wriggle his nose. She wanted to be a bird, or a leopard, and she wanted to run faster or fly more freely than anything else in the world.